Wait..it’s already 2025?
Time really does fly.
PS: This is a vulnerable write up.
It’s honestly unreal how the past 366 days just came and went.
I looked back on all the things I wrote down, and how I accomplished little to nothing on that list of goals. Lool
Part of me felt upset, disappointed.
The other part of me just had to force myself to find things to be grateful for. And truly I did find a lot.
But I still wished that I had accomplished my personal goals.
Just like that it’s 2025.
And I have written another set of goals, with ways of how to achieve them.
Hopefully, I end this year on a different note than I did last year.
Hopefully I feel more fulfilled and I get to accomplish more things.
I am now a second year resident and I’m due to write the next set of exams to make me a Senior Resident.
It’s so weird, I still remember my first day of residency.
I’m scared.
There, I said it…
I am utterly terrified. I have not had this much anxiety concerning a matter in a long while.
Am I putting pressure on myself?
Yes.
Am I putting in the work I need to be ready for this exam?
No…
At least, I believe I could be doing a lot better.
But the thing about anxiety is, it’s not a motivator. Instead it’s crippling. And instead of putting in more work to be better prepared, I find myself sitting in a corner, shaking and crying as I watch the time fly to the day of the inevitable exams.
I have been trying my best, to get out of this slump, to just fight and do what I can and hope for the best.
But honestly, it has been hard.
I do not know how to help myself. I do not know how to be better.
Part of me honestly feels like giving up before trying.
You guys should just pray for me.
Not just to pass the exams, but to not have this fear, this anxiety.
It is not an easy place to be.
