Mourning The Loss Of What Could Have Been.

When good things come to an end.

Photo by M. on Unsplash

We were inseparable, like two peas in a pod.

Best friends, soulmates.

It was like something I had never experienced before.

It took a while to love again, to trust again after being hurt so many times in the past. This felt like a gamble, a huge risk, but I was willing to do this with you.

We had known each other for 10 years. I was initially weary of calling you my best friend, scared that if I got so attached to you it would hurt if you left me.

But you made me so happy. Our inside jokes, secret languages, our matching shirts and best friend bracelets.
We made a lot of memories, we fought, we cried, we laughed, we went through heartbreaks together.

As we grew older, we started new jobs so we couldn’t hang out as often.

You had a new group of friends, which really had never been an issue, you weren’t my only friend either, but what we had was special.

But then we started to drift apart.

And just like that, daily calls turned into occasional texts.

I was no longer a priority in your life. You stopped letting me in on what was going on with you. Conversations felt forced and one sided.

Then one day we had a silly fight, one that we ought to have resolved within a few days at most.

But this time the silence lingered for longer than usual.

I was determined to not be the one to reach out first, not this time around, you should care enough about me too.

I eventually broke my resolve and tried to reach out to you. Then I discovered that you had blocked me everywhere, I couldn’t even call or text.

Days turned into weeks and then into months and before I knew it years had passed.

You had gotten married, chosen someone else as your maid of honor, you even had a baby.

And I was there, watching your life through other people’s social media posts.

I was meant to be your maid of honor, we were meant to literally do life together. We made all this plans for our bridal and baby showers.

How did it even get to this?

How did all our plans for the future just fall through?

It honestly feels like a blur.

I’m here sitting down, looking through my google photos, I was reminded of a memory from 5 years ago.

5 whole years have come and gone.

We were so young and so happy.

So much has changed.

Our friendship break up came with a lot of hurt, a lot of trust issues and i’ve not been able to call anyone my best friend again.

Recently you reached out to me, just to say hi. You apologised for cutting me out of your life and asked to be a part of it again. You updated me on everything that had gone on in your life, although I already knew.

I was very upset and very confused knowing fully well that things can never go back to how they used to.

But it’s nice to know that I was worthy enough to be remembered by you again after all these years.

If anyone ever told me that we wouldn’t be best friends anymore, I’d probably tell them that it was impossible.

But now I’m here, with tears dripping down my face, mourning the loss of what could have been.

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