I Don’t Want To Do Life Alone
I crave companionship
Loneliness is one of the side effects of adulting.
It’s something that’s not really talked about much.
Things changed so drastically after uni.
Friendships that were so close and dear began to fade.
Conversations that were daily started happening weekly, then monthly, then rarely.
Sometimes I tried to fight to keep the relationships I had from falling apart.
Even though we were far away from each other, I wanted to do activities together that I believed would help us bond more.
Activities that I believed would keep us in constant communication.
I wanted to study, watch sermons, pray, watch movies, talk about our life experiences.
E.t.c
After a while, I began to feel like I was a bother, a disturbance. It seemed as though I was the only one making efforts to sustain the relationships. Everyone was always too busy with work or something else. So I decided to not allow myself to be hurt and just let things be.
I crave companionship
I don’t want to be alone.
Sometimes when I think about life, it feels like a scary journey that I was made to take without consent.
I was born without having a say and I have to live in this life that I didn’t choose.
I don’t want to walk on this long journey called life by myself. I don’t want to feel pain, sadness, disappointment, joy alone.
I want to be able to share my experiences with people and share in other peoples experiences too.
I want to feel like, we’re all in this together.
Lately, I’ve been faced with the reality that growing up can be a lonely journey and there’s not much I can do about it.
I don’t have as much friends as I did before and a lot of friendships I have are different from what I expected.
I’m closer to people I didn’t expect to be close to and distant from people I once called ‘best friends’.
Some friends that I made along the way were just for a time and season. We shared something in common for a period and afterwards, we went our separate ways.
I started to become less attached to relationships.
I began to accept this as a normal part of adulting.
There are some friends that I catch up with once in a blue moon.
There are other friends however, that I talk to quite often and we are very much a part of each other’s lives. I feel less lonely because of them and I’m grateful for the relationship we have.
I’m full of pure and genuine love for all my friends. But I’m also beginning to enjoy my alone time.
I’m realizing that everyone is also going through their own joueney in life and they might want to go through it alone or might not want to go through it with me.
And truly, it’s fine.
We’re all growing up.
We’re all discovering ourselves.
And sometimes it comes at a cost.
Will it be worthwhile in the end?
I honestly don’t know.
