5th Month of Paediatrics Residency
Glad to still be here :)
I just realised that I didn’t write on the 4th Month of residency…Oh welp.
The past 2 months were a whole emotional rollercoaster.
Both at work and off work.
A lot of things didn’t or haven’t gone as planned.
I’m not where I hoped or prayed that I would be.
I felt stuck, lost, confused, sad, tired.
I spent some time reminiscing on the past year and it’s honestly wild that December is here already.
It’s wild that I’ve spent 5 months doing this.
It’s still very exciting/surprising to me when I realise I’m a doctor. And it’s still overwhelming and burdensome.
I’ve not gotten used to seeing babies die. I’ve not gotten used to the intense amount of detail that Paediatrics needs. I’ve not gotten used to juggling work, studying, life.
I’m overwhelmed.
Many times I wondered if I could continue to do this.
Many times I’ve felt very alone.
Sometimes I want to talk about it, other times I just feel:
Suck it up Sharon, you’re not the first one to do this.
Don’t bother people, they’re going through their own things.
I’m overwhelmed and I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to be ‘perfect’.
I don’t want to make mistakes, I don’t want an innocent child to die because I didn’t do or know what I was meant to do.
I felt really exhausted and seriously considered quitting.
But this month a lot of people asked me this question:
Why Paediatrics?
And I want to start to focus on my ‘why’. Why did I start this to begin with? Why did I think this was something I could finish? Why did I fight so hard to become a doctor, against all odds?
Why should I quit now?
I’m closer to the end than when I first started. It’s a marathon and not a sprint.
And I’m very grateful for the people who have tried to help me in this period.
Sigh.
I want to hope that things get better or easier. But I’m honestly not optimistic. Lol.
I just pray God continues to strengthen me in this journey of life.
Or He can like to speed up the second coming of Jesus and let’s all just go to heaven and rest Lool.
Link to Week 3
Thank you so much for taking time to read my writing. It truly means a lot. Please clap, share, comment if you can and also subscribe so you’d get an email everytime a new writing drops.
Thanks and God bless.
xoxo
-Sharon Stephen.
